| It's clear and blue as far as I can see |
[Jan. 25th, 2005|01:27 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Frou Frou - Let Go | ] |
So yea.
Nov. 7th. That was my last entry.
I almost stopped writing completely, and then it kicked in....
this urge to revisit everyone that was once a part of my life.
I didn't find anyone I knew on myspace, but oh well.
There's only one entry on my friends page.
That sucks.
I'm definitely not the first to say this, but it's pretty dead on deadjournal, eh?
So uhm. There's this revelation. There's this girl. There's the future. And there's me.
It's kind of comforting. I shouldn't feel safe, but I do.
I should be paranoid about the future, but I'm not.
I just realized I have paranoia about relationships/honesty/trust - and it has helped immensely to realize half of my worst qualities were produced by my own mind.
Was it a surprise to anyone else? It seems like old news to some people... but making me realize it was impossible for them to do.
I feel like this is part of what was hidden from me. When I smoked pot, I couldn't decipher what was wrong with me.
Now I know, and part of it was the pot.
A lot of it was what I did with my mind while on pot.
I can't believe my mind decayed as much as it did that junior/end of sophomore year in Stoughton. I miss the small town, but I don't.
I don't miss drugs. I don't miss nearly as much in that town as I would miss from this city. Albuquerque is my hometown, no matter how white I am. Stoughton felt like home because I had roots there... and the roots I kept trying to plant in ABQ kept fading away everytime I left again. So it seemed like I was never here at all.
When I came back for my senior year, everything felt like hell. I was in hell. But now that I'm an adult and have opportunity and friends, this city is fun.
My negative attitude still gets me in trouble sometimes.
My mind still does too, but I feel more comfortable knowing I can control those aspects; rather than feeling powerless to stop them when I didn't recognize I was miserable largely by my own doing.
Lastly, download the song I'm listening to. It's splendid.
I love life. |
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